Thursday, October 30, 2008

Oh Pope, You've Got To Be Kidding Me

I've said it before and I'll say it again, sometimes the jokes just write themselves. This lovely headline is a perfect example

"Future priests should undergo psychological screening: Vatican"

Paging Captain Obvious!

Naturally, I think anyone who considers a life of priesthood, that is a life of poverty, celibacy and a whole lotta misogyny should be evaluated for mental stability. I mean let's face it, the job description isn't exactly enticing.

So when I first read this headline, I thought "WOOHOO! The Vatican is on to something!" and then I realized, surprise surprise, that they weren't.

You see, these "psychological tests" are the Vaticans response to the multitude of lawsuits they've received because of child sexual abuse. Let's be honest. The stereotype of a child molesting priest came from somewhere. So instead of examining the types of people who want to become priests or changing the rule of strict celibacy, they decide to "test" potential priests.

What exactly are these tests looking for?

In a nutshell, homosexuality. Yes, that's right - homosexuality.
"The Vatican, in a 2005 document, said men with "deep-seated" homosexual tendencies shouldn't be ordained, but that those with a "transitory problem" could become priests if they had overcome them for three years. The Vatican considers homosexual activity sinful.

The new guidelines say priests must have a "positive and stable sense of one's masculine identity" and the capacity to "integrate his sexuality in accordance" with the obligation of celibacy."
Translation: They don't want child touching homos.

Which is ironic, you know, because I know lots of gay men and well none of them are child touchers. And every pedophile I have ever known, heard of or dealt with was a self-identified heterosexual man.

And of course, a man in a long dress with a gold hat who lives in a giant castle with a bunch of dudes is really the one to judge. (Cue Margaret Cho)

Naturally, gay rights groups are up arms for the way in which the Vatican is not only continuing their homophobic attitude of being anti-gay but also for conflating pedophilia with homosexuality.

Hey Pope, here's a lesson for you:

Homosexuals are people who are attracted to people of the same sex. They engage in sexual activities with similar, consenting adults. Pedophiles are people who are attracted to and engage in sexual activity with unconsenting children.

Let me just make this clearer for you. I know Pope, you're old and senile so sometimes you need a little extra help.


Homosexuality and pedophilia DO NOT GO TOGETHER. Kinda like how Catholicism and common sense don't go together.

Get it? Good. Now go back to bed.

**Now I know that this picture is of the Old Pope, but I mean c'mon.. this picture is amazing.

Monday, October 27, 2008

If You Weren't Already Convinced...

... that the economy is going to shit, this headline pretty much seals the deal.

"Ten Cheap Ways To Be Happy".

That little sentence sums up the entire problem. The economy is going to shit and will continue to stay there until the idea that being happy doesn't require money is commonsense and not a headline.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Government Logic At Its Best

So Canada is going to “Help Poorer Nations Fight Climate Change” while also being an “avid cheerleader for asbestos”.

Climate Change = hip and cutting edge
Lung Cancer = so passé

Canada: A country that is really good at lookin’ good and not so good at being good.

We Don't Like Voting But We Do Like Boozin'!

So one of the many facets of moi is that I'm pretty much straightedge. There are a number of reasons why I don't drink. This is not to say that I haven't drank or that I don't have the occasional sip of wine and whatnot, but as a general rule, homeslice does not drink.

Well it seems that I am a rarity in the True North Strong and Free.

New statistics are coming out regarding the amount and types of alcohol that Canadians consume and presumably, enjoy.

These stats include the fact that people in Newfoundland pay the most for beer (21.27$) although they don't include the territories and they must pay the most. Other stats include the total amount that the average Canadian spent on booze in 2007: 667$.

Surprise, surprise, beer makes up 47% of Canadian alcohol sales in this country. What was actually surprising and optistimic, in my mind, is the fact that 71% of spirits sold in this country are Canadian. Apparently the economy is going to shit and jobs are being exported overseas but we still support our local boozers.

We're patriotic like that, I suppose.

What did make me sad though was that "Mothers Against Drunk Driving estimates that there are between 1,280 and 1,500 deaths as a result of impaired driving in Canada every year, or about four every day."


And if that statistic doesn't have you crying your beer, this should. Under "Related Stories", links to the lovely headline

"Many Innu children suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome".


Wednesday, October 15, 2008


So the purpose of this election was what exactly? Oh yeah. There was none.

Except, I suppose, to highlight how apathetic Canadians have become.


Thursday, October 9, 2008

Ladyfolks and the Canadian Election

So as the Canadian election day gets closer, one can draw some serious patterns of this campaign.

1- Attack ads are all the rage with the Cons. Paging Stephen Harper: A little creativity never hurt. Ask Jack Layton.

2- Every party seems to have an obsession with the image of Stephane Dion shrugging.

3- The only mention of womyn is... wait...there's been mention of womyn?!

There is a complete and total absence of ladyfolk in this current election campaign. There are only a few days left and so I highly doubt we're going to be inundated with a load of womyn-friendly mention and discussion. Sadly I think it's safe to say that womyn have been completely written off the election.

Case and Point: During the French language debate, the word woman-women-girls-female was not mentioned once.

During the English language debate, at 9:19pm Jack Layton spoke of how lack of employment and poverty affects all sectors of Canadian society, specifically womyn. I nearly wet myself I was so excited. THEN at 10:57pm, a whopping 3 mins before the end of the debate, Stephane Dion mentions briefly that his party has put a universal day care plan into their platform.

Now don't get me wrong, I was impressed with some other things that didn't specifically discuss womyn. Layton went on a rant at one point about the plight of Aboriginal peoples in this country and went beyond tired metaphors to bring up real issues like crowded housing, high rates of incarceration and boil water advisories. That was mighty impressive.

And the zinger of the debates, in my opinion, went to Gilles Duceppe in the English debates when he said "You know what's really shocking? The only party that's pushing for a by-Canada plan for the manufacturing sector is the Bloc Quebecois!"

Oooooh the irony.

But beside the occasional mention in debates, there was a whole lotta nothing going on for womyn's issues during the election. Womyn were mentioned briefly at the beginning of the election campaign but only in the form of Harper repeating that "He will not re-open the abortion debate". Wooo.

So as we head to the polls on October 14th, try to think special thoughts about Canada's ladyfolk. Because if you don't, nobody will.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Gangsters Versus Gangstas

According to a "news" article on, there's a marketing campaign underway for the new "Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement", also known as the "Mob Museum". But do not fret children, this museum won't "glorify criminal activity" but rather will "candidly explore [the mob's] influence on Las Vegas and the role they played in transforming the city into a famous gambling and entertainment destination."

The role they played in transforming the city into a famous gambling and entertainment destination sounds kinda like glorifying to me. "Hey, look at what the Mob did for us!"

This marketing campaign includes "cheeky" t-shirts with the expression "There is no such thing as a Mob museum nor have I ever been there."

So at this point, you're probably thinking: "Why are you going off about this? And lighten up would ya! This is hilarious!"

Don't get me wrong. I have an enthusiastic sense of humour and I was once a huge Sopranos fan.

But what we have here is a clear distinction between "good" criminals and "bad" criminals. Gangsters AKA the Mob = good, Gangstas = bad. I highly doubt that the "Chicago Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement" would get the same round of applause and "OMG, AREN'T THEY JUST SO DAMN CHEEKY?!"

And what is the difference between a gangster and a gangsta? Well not much really. Both have been involved in the drugs, arms and sex trade. Both have been linked to murder and theft. Organized crime is organized crime.

What we have here is a major racial and class divide. On one side we have white gangsters who are glorified in film and now their very own museum. On the other side we have people of colour who may be glorified in music and certain categories of film, but who are blamed for many of today's social ills, including high rates of violence in high schools and drive-by shootings, specifically in lower-class areas.

Why is it that the Mob has been elevated to this pseudo-glorified status of being Museum worthy whereas gangstas and I would even include Biker Gangs here to really bring in the class argument, are seen as the vile of society?

This is race and class privilege at its very best.

I say what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas.